i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
