Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
being pregnant is like rehab
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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