I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
