Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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