Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
