Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm both gender and math confused
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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