I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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