I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
