At least make sure they are 18
Why
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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