I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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