Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize