so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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