It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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