I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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