my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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