this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
