I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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