why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
