that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Congratulations! We have a period
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
