Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
