I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
