I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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