there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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