Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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