DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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