I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.