omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
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when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
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He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now