If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky