I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
