She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
