Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
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