I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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