dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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