You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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