here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
pop tarts are not kleenex
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
