You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
