I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
