I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
