Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
