I puked a lego.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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