I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize