I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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