So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
