I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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