My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Success! We fucked roommates!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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