fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
