As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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