How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
try to milk me bitch
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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