am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize