I wish I only lived at night.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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