You can't special order awesome
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
