I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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