Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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