Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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