Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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