fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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