...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
