Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
