I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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