OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
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i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
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And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize