So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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