dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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