You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize