then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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