i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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