3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
