Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I puked a lego.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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