So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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