dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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