nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
