I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
